As I lay there after he finished breaking a piece of me. I wondered how I will be okay. How will I walk out of here and leave a piece of myself behind, again. After all, this isn’t the first time a piece of me was broken. I’ve been here before. Since I was 3, several have thought I had something that was okay for them to take.

They were wrong. What was mine wasn’t theirs to take. And as they took, I just kept getting smaller as pieces where broken away from me. It felt as if I was beginning to disappear. I was torn. A piece of me wanted to disappear and the other part of me wanted to be whole.

But how could I be whole when I had been shattered? How could I put pieces back together when they were lost on my life path?

I had to expand.

My heart expanded with what was left. It filled up the space that was left open… I had to learn to continue to love. Continuing to see the good in people was essential.

I wasn’t smaller. Instead, I had just felt smaller for a moment in time. The pieces they broke, that they stole, could regenerate with self-love. Knowing that they could not take my future if I held on to it. My future was for me. They couldn’t have my future. Then I learned, they couldn’t have my present moment either.

It Wasn’t My Fault

I learned to believe it really wasn’t my fault. No matter what happened or how many times, I was not to blame. It was the takers that had to live with themselves. I just had to survive. And I did.

I survived by learning to love myself and allowing others to love me. Learning that intimacy isn’t free, but is worth the price of vulnerability, especially with the right person. A safe person.

Discovering that sex can have wonderful and amazing emotions that come with it as well.

I Am Not Alone

I am one of many.

It is estimated that one in five women and one in 71 men are raped in their lifetimes in the United States. Together, that’s more than 23.6 million survivors.

Not that I want to be one of many. I wish this number was so little it was hard to find someone who had a similar story. Sadly, many of the women and men I know, have a story.

My hope is that everyone who has had this experience, allows their heart to expand, and keep their present and future for themselves.

 

 

 

Also, make sure that you are becoming your biggest fan.