When the one we love hurts us, physically and emotionally, it can shatter our world.

Feelings of confusion can overtake us. We feel love and fear in our home. A piece of us knows we should leave, yet we want to stay, not for the abuse, but for the love. The memories before things changed.

Domestic violence is so much deeper than someone hitting. It is intertwined with what we thought was love. A friend of mine, who has left her abusive partner, wrote this to share a piece of her story.

It hit me again the nightmare in my mind, Love is supposed to be patient its supposed to be kind. When I think of what our “love” was, It definitely was not that way, There are many things that happened that I wish I didn’t have to say.

Love is supposed to protect love is supposed to trust, It’s supposed to not envy it’s supposed to not lust. Love is supposed to be gentle and always persevere, Love shouldn’t make it hard to look in the mirror. Love is supposed to not be easy to anger, Love is supposed to be strong like a ships strongest anchor. Love is supposed to be about honor and respect, Love should not be shown with hands squeezing my neck.

You knew of the things that happened in my past, You knew that those memories they last and they last. I try to forget but they’re always around, Some days it feels like they are trying to make me drown. You knew the pain I have buried deep inside, But still you got enjoyment out of making me cry. You hurt me again and again and again, But this time we would never be able to mend.

I remember this dream like it was yesterday, Because You see it’s actually a bad memory. A memory I wish so badly I could forget, But I’m stuck to it like a fish in a net. I remember us as we began to fight, In what would turn out to be our very worst night. You threw my phone down, Step one of one round. I don’t remember how the fact, Ended with such a hard smack. I put my hand to my face, As I felt the blood my heart began to race. You hit me once more, Before you threw me down to the floor.

That’s when I knew I had to be good, That’s when I closed my mouth like I knew I should. I got myself up and I walked to the table, Oh how I wish this was only a fable. I shut myself down and I looked away, I hoped you had nothing more to do or to say. But you had so much anger deep in your heart, You just wanted to watch me fall as I fell all the way apart. The next thing I knew I was laying on the ground, Making a horrible horrible moaning sound. I had no control over the noise I was making, I had no control of the uncontrollable shaking.

You kept on screaming like you couldn’t see, That I was hurting so badly in all actuality. It was in that moment that I finally saw, That what we had was in fact not love at all. It was in that moment that I finally knew, That love does not turn someone all black and all blue. It was in that moment that I finally decided, Our love was not as one it was definitely divided.

You finally gave up and went off to bed, So many thoughts were just running through my head. I finally managed to get myself up, I knew you’d be sleeping so I didn’t want to disrupt. I made my way into the bathroom to see, What I looked like after what you had done to me. Blood covered my face, It’s a sight I wish I could erase.

I took off my shirt to inspect the damage, At that moment I prayed that I would just simply vanish. I saw my body covered in bruises, I knew what you’d done was classic abusive. And just like after every episode of prior abuse, I knew you’d follow with a classic excuse. You’d always blame the beer, But to this day it’s still so unclear.

You left me with wounds on the inside and out, You left me forever to constantly doubt. You broke me with words you broke me with your hand, To this day I will never be able to understand. All I can do is deeply bury the hurt, That’s something I can call myself an expert.

These memories will last for a while, Some days its hard to fake my smile. But every day I try my very best, Every day it feels like I’m going to fail the test. One day I will find real love, One day it won’t always end with a shove. One day I will be okay, But unfortunately that time is just not today. (written by a lovely friend of mine)

That’s pretty intense.

And the level it pulls at my heart makes me want to reach out to all the women and men who have experienced abuse at any level. It breaks us a bit to no fault of our own. So I asked my friend if I could share her poem because I know that unfortunately it will resonate with many. And she said yes. If it helps someone else, she will share that piece of her story.

We want those that it resonates with to feel empowered to know that the love that hit them, was wrong and they are not to blame. And wasn’t love at all. Also, we hope that knowing my friend left, will give them the courage to know they can leave as well.

I would encourage anyone who has or is experiencing an abusive relationship, know you are not to blame and you are not alone. Also, we cannot bury the hurt. When we bury the hurt, we protect the hurt. We must let it out.

Here is a link to the National Domestic Violence Hotline and their phone number is 1-800-799-7233. Give this number to a friend if you cannot keep it in your phone and have a code word if you ever need them to call 911 or other help for you.

And when you are ready to move through the hurt and reclaim your dreams and life, reach out to friends or hire someone to work with you through this.  I offer those working to reclaim their life a 30% off of my 3 session coaching package. Use coupon code: ITSMYLIFE30