If life is about growing… I am on track. I’m a little seed just sprouting away.
I make decisions every day. What to wear, what to eat, who to text, what show to watch, what game to play with my son. On and on the decisions go. And every decision impacts my life, though on different levels. However, making those really tough decisions is hard. You know, the decisions that keep you up at night. I’ve found that deep growth comes in these really hard decisions.
The few toughest decisions standout in my mind. They were pivotal moments in my life. These decisions helped increase the quality of my life in the current moment and for my future. Each decision freed a piece of my soul to be myself and love myself a bit more.
- Telling my mom that I wanted to live with my dad at the end of my freshman year of high school. The fear of hurting her feelings and/or getting in trouble almost paralyzed me. However, I knew I had to make this move.
- Towards the end of my undergrad, finally moving past a relationship with, let’s call him Rascal, after deciding I was done with his emotional games.
- Letting go of my title of Marriage and Family Therapist. Especially after taking the test to receive my temporary license and working in a private practice.
Today we are going to focus on letting my fancy Marriage and Family Therapist title go and my journey to embracing the coaching/advising world.
After spending a decade working for non-profits, I felt fancy working for a private practice where clients actually paid for the service and put in the work more often than not. And the response that was surrounded in respect when answering the question, “what do you do?” With the reply of “I am a marriage and family therapist,” felt pretty great.
I was proud of myself. After all, I had accomplished a lot educationally compared to my family. And I felt I had expectations to uphold. My dad credits his graduating from high school to the fact that he was an excellent athlete. My mom and sisters dropped out of school in the 8th grade. Though my sisters did eventually get their GED.
I grew up hearing my dad telling his friends, “I’m not worried about Stephanie. She is going to make it. She is going to do something great.”
And I felt that having a title of therapist meant that I was finally doing something great. That maybe now I was “good enough” and “smart enough” to be loved. I was clearly putting too much importance on a job title. I’m not alone in that though. I see it every day on social media. It’s an easy thing to do.
Back in 2007, I had first heard of life coaching and it stirred something up inside of me.
However, with my not so awesome Google skills, I couldn’t figure out how to become a life coach. (Keoni provides many blessings and one is definitely his Google skills. That guy can find anything.)
So I ended up going to get my masters in marriage and family therapy. And they really design the program to make you feel like it is for a select few, so if you get in, you’re kind of a big deal. Only 17 people were admitted into the program with my cohort.
And only two of us were selected to intern at the private practice in addition to our non-profit internship. And I was one of those selected. I knew I was a top student. And it fueled my specialness feeling. I was even hired to work at the private practice once I graduated. More fuel to those “I must be special” feelings.
Though the more I provided therapy, the more I realized I was tied to this box of limitations in regards to what services and discussions I could have with my clients.
Even though I had several years of experience as an addiction counselor at a treatment center, worked on the suicide crisis team, and had a decade of experience working in the behavioral health field providing educational classes, I was treated as if I had the same experience as everyone else who just graduated with me. And their only experience was the one internship they participated in during graduate school. Which is great. However, not the same.
I get it… liability. Blah blah blah.
With the box of limitation and ridiculously low pay, the private practice was paying me $15 per client hour and then bumped me up to $17 after several conversations, and the non-profit that I had worked at for four years gave me a 15 cent raise once I received my masters and temporary license, mind you the only raise I received in the time I worked for them, I continued to feel like this isn’t quite the right fit.
Knowing that I love having conversations with people, I love to problem solve with them and work on creating solutions to the life they want, or healing from the hurt they experienced, that I needed to continue in the service of helping people tell their story and then reshape it for their highest good.
Finally deciding to take on the role of a life coach/advisor.
I already had my Certified Family Life Educator to assist me on my journey. And I continued my education and enrolled in the Holistic Wellness Practitioner program at SWIHA. I took classes on life coaching, holistic nutrition, and hypnotherapy (though I stick with the word hypnosis in my practice). I felt pretty good when I graduated from that program. It was fun, a good fit, and freeing.
Surprisingly, the transition was really hard on my ego. I could feel the eye rolls when I would answer that I was a life coach. As nowadays, pretty much anyone can say they are a life coach. And people do. It’s almost kinda scary. And people don’t really know what a life coach does. And their insurance won’t cover life coaching.
It felt like I was taking a step down. I let my fears of what others would say or think about me start to get in my way. I was so worried about what my old coworkers would think of me and if they would laugh at what I was doing like I had heard them do to others who followed a slightly different path with their degree that I almost froze.
However, I knew that I could help people because this is what I was born to do. And I was going to do it outside of the box.
Realizing, I actually took a step towards myself. And that is gold my friends. I am now at a place where I feel really fantastic about the service I provide to those I work with. Or even conversations I have with strangers or friends when it comes to the deeper stuff. I like to share the education I have learned with others. Those conversations fuel me like nothing else ever has.
It’s empowering to be a part of someone’s journey. To watch them make their own decisions and celebrate with them. And every day I grow stronger in true Self and spend less and less time and worrying about what others think or say about me behind my back or even to my face. I am living my dream. I am part of life-changing journeys. I see and get to hear about progress in a story after one session of coaching.
It’s amazing to be able to take all of my experience and education and provide a quality service to those I work with (I always refer out if need be – especially because I do not provide therapy) and I get to do it as my own business! I have so many cool ideas that I cannot wait to put into action.
Life is full of opportunities and excitement. In all of this tough decision making and life transitions, I really learned that if those in my life are not cheering me on, if they are not thrilled for my successes, if they try and piss on my fire instead of providing logs (thanks Will Smith for that metaphor), then they shouldn’t be in my life.
Bye, Felicia.
And hello to all those gorgeous souls that are in my circle that strive to build others up. Currently looking for more members of my soul family. Can’t wait to meet you! <3
(I am very grateful for my experience with my grad program and job opportunities. I did love my clients and there were many highs along with the lows. I did learn a lot as well. My biggest take away, it that it wasn’t a fit for me and my personal mission. I want playful, not stuffy. I want to feel like my work environment is more like a family, not a formality. Stuff like that.)