You’ve heard it too right, that the 5 people who we spend most of our time with we become like? Why don’t we hear this when we’re youngsters? Like kindergarten is a great time to begin to realize, the grubby hands we’re sharing with will shape our personalities.

And it makes sense why sometimes as an adult we find ourselves thinking, “holy crap, I just sounded like my mom!!” Well, yeah, she was a major influencer in your life for the first 18 precious brain developing years. You’re bound to sound like her from time to time.

And as we age and we notice how we feel around people, we also realize we get to pick who our friends are. Throughout the years I have become way pickier about who I hang out with. But now I don’t care how popular they are. I care about how they treat me.

My self-worth has finally gotten to the diamond level. And with this new found self-love, that felt like crossing burning coals for, it’s so important for me to have friends that lift me up. Family will often continue to be the way they always have been. So I’m not expecting miracles there.

However, friends, can ignite your heart and soul and dreams like it’s their superpower. And friends can also piss on your fire.

I’ve had my fair share of friends that when spending time with them, it felt as if their main goal was to make me feel bad about myself. To awaken the insecurities in me they couldn’t so easily see. Can you think of this person in your life? I bet you can. And you can remember their obvious and subtle remarks as if they’re saying them to you right now. Am I right?

That doesn’t feel good. To be honest, it feels downright icky to be around them. Yet, they have their strengths too. And this is what gets confusing. Because these people, who jab at you, are also the source of joy, fun, memories, and new experiences. You love them.

These are the ears you tell some pretty deep and sometimes dark secrets to. They hold a piece of your soul that you don’t give to everyone.

I remember this one friend in particular. We spent almost every day together for years. And she would build me up and then break me with her words. And at times I wanted to yell at her, “why don’t you eat some make-up so you can be pretty on the inside too!”

But I didn’t. I swallowed all of her hurtful comments and they went down like spoiled milk. Until one day I didn’t. And I asked her if she was trying to make me feel bad about myself. She was flabbergasted and offered her most confused face and tone that whispered, “no.”

And I was empowered from that moment on. Knowing that I deserve friends that love me, cheer me on, and build me up. So do you. You have enough negativity coming your way. The last place you need to feel confused about your self-worth is from your friends.

The awesome thing is you get to pick your friends. You get to decide who will be in your future. Make sure you choose wisely and keep those around who build you up and put fuel into your fire. Now there will be times when a friend accidentally pisses on your fire.

When this happens, notice patterns. Was this a bad day or does this actually happen a lot? And then adjust so you feel good. Regardless, forgive them and love them, and if need be, move on from them. Because you matter and you deserve to feel good about who you are. Be wise about who you’re going to become like.

And make sure you aren’t the friend that’s being the a-hole. Build your friends up. They believe how you see them because you know them. They spend their time pouring into you. So make it count. Use your superpower to help them lite their fire and keep it going. And create some fantastic, giggle ’til you start to pee memories with them.

If you want an awesome future, pick awesome friends.

Know someone in your life that could use this reminder? Share this post with them and subtlety encourage them to level up their 5 people. It’ll be our secret!

Sending so much love your way, Steph

also podcast episode #63

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