I remember feeling so excited.

It was my first time at six-flags and I was going with my friends on the Superman roller coaster. I had never been on a roller coaster of that size. My, then, 23-year-old body was like, nope, I’m going to shut down right now. I knew I didn’t really like heights, but again, I had never been this high before.

My body kinda just flopped over and I felt like I was dying. After that ride, I pretty much decided my feet need to stay planted near the ground most of the time. And this was fine with me.

Fear hasn’t really stood in my way in the sense of certain types of thrill rides or experiences. I have no desire to go skydiving so I’m not missing out. And for my 25th birthday, I treated myself to a hot-air balloon ride in honor of doing things that scare me. Plus, that was on my bucket list.

So I’m already showing that if I want to do something bad enough, the fear that comes up, won’t stop me.

Yet, I have let it stop me when it comes to putting myself out there.

Sure I can say after a lifetime of people not being shy with their criticism towards me, I’m not really searching for more. But doesn’t everyone have that story in one way or another? Even Joel Osteen (and a bazillion other people in this world from your neighbor to everyone you watch on whatever device you watch) can relate.

Joel Osteen is a name most of us know. He speaks to millions each week through his ginormous church.

(I haven’t listened to any of his sermons. I saw him on one of Oprah’s Super Soul Sessions and liked what he had to say. And now after reading about him a bit more, I definitely plan to tune into one of his sermons, or if ever by Lakewood, I think I’ll stop in. I’d like to hear what he has to say and feel the energy and experience that comes with one of his sermons.)

Joel started out feeling the most secure behind the scenes. It felt safe. No one compared him to his dad and criticism was far and few in-between. Public speaking was a real fear for him. However, after his father passed away, it was his turn to take the stage and lead the ministry.

Now he is constantly criticised. Whether it is about his bank account, lack of a seminary degree, or leaving out sin, Satan, and Hell in his sermons, people like to share that they are not happy with the way he is sharing the messages he thinks others need to hear.

How did he get through his fear of public speaking?

1. He learned that he is not competing against his dad or the people of Lakewood.
2. Being the best version of himself is what he strives for
3. Instead of focusing on the critics, he focuses on what he believes God wants him to do.
4. He reframed himself in his mind. Saying positive affirmations that encouraged him instead of words that would tear him down.
5. It seems as though he wanted to create a community that is inclusive, shame-free, guilt-free and is about celebrating the good things in our lives.

Pretty fantastic right?!

Joel trusted the process and jumped right in. Regardless of the unknown, criticism and any other negative thing that could come up. He keeps his eyes, ears, and feelings on the good stuff.

And you can too. So can I. I think we have heard many times that if we thought about it, we can achieve it. I believe this goes both ways.

If we think no relationship will ever work… bingo – hello single land and dysfunctional relationships!

However, if we believe that love is a remarkable experience and you want to be the best partner you can be for someone – eventually, you find your person. And bliss land arrives.

If I hate money – money won’t want to stay around.

If I don’t want to give, it will be hard to receive.

If money is a tool I use to create – money comes. It wants to be friends.

If I love giving, I will be blessed in receiving.

Are you seeing the pattern here?

I digress, back to fear.

If you think fear is stronger than your passion, it will be.

You can change this though. I know that you are way stronger than fear when you want or need to be. And you do too.

Fear. Where does it’s power come from?

I think that it comes from within. Our thoughts that then eventually lead to our actions… or lack of actions. We feed fear with the things we say or the evidence we are looking for. Perhaps the “we”, is actually our ego attempting to keep us in our comfort zone. Thinking it is protecting us from some unknown criticism or embarrassment as if we can’t handle it.

The funny thing is, we can. We can definitely handle whatever the fear is. Including the unknown, the embarrassment, the haters. We’ve got this. Better yet, YOU’VE got this.

Let’s take a moment and acknowledge there are a couple of different fears.

Heck, sometimes people even like to feel fear on purpose and that is why they love the scary movies, haunted houses, and all stuff spooky. I wonder if these people let emotional fear get in their way or if they have trained their mind to think of fear as a pleasurable feeling?

There is the fear of danger. And when this is pulling at your gut… it is usually best to listen to this feeling. Like when you are in a dark alley and something doesn’t feel right. Get outta there!!

And then the fear of __________. Basically, anything that makes you emotionally uncomfortable. When this fear is present, especially when it is in a correlation of a dream or goal you are pursuing, then I believe this is an indicator that we are headed in the right direction. Perhaps about to have a breakthrough and get closer to our higher self and then our ego says, “hang on one minute!!! I am enjoying this space that I am in. I am in control here. I am safe. No one is causing my emotions or self-doubt to shift in a negative direction. Staying right where I am.”

This is the time to ignore your ego, push through the fear, and take action anyway. For you and your mission.

But How?!?!

I like to start by changing one thought at a time.

What’s the one negative, party pooper thought that keeps coming up… over and over and over again? Grap it and throw it out. It will try to come back. It doesn’t want to find a new home. But this is when you evict it from your head. Better it be homeless than live within you.

Replace it with some goods. Right now, I don’t care if you believe the goods. How would you? You’ve been spending time with a terrible guest that was trying to bring you down. Now give this new guest time to settle in. Nourish it and watch it grow. You will eventually believe the goods. Your job is to be consistent with thinking this new positive thought about yourself.

Reprogramming what fear means to me.

Can you change that emotional fear into emotional excitement towards what you are attempting to accomplish? Notice how fear feels in your body. Now notice how excitement feels in your body. Change the talk from what is scaring you to a pep talk about the excitement around what you are about to embark. Be your biggest fan. Hear yourself cheering for you and encouraging you along your way.

Many have a fear around the unknown. I mean, isn’t it really all unknown anyway? Sure you may have percentages of how likely something is going to turn out in your favor, but do we really ever truly know? I don’t think so. This doesn’t need to have the power to stop us.

Think of how many times you have made it through the unknown. So you’ve kind of already mastered this.

Listen to positivity EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I’m not playing around here. Lay on the positivity thick!! Make it strong. Find positive people to spend time with. If you already have a super positive person in your life, spend more time with them.

Stop pretending you are being “realistic” by being negative. No, you aren’t. You are just being the opposite of positive. Sure, you can prepare for what could go wrong, now also spend time preparing for what could go right. We need to be able to accept both the positive and negative outcomes of any situation.

Move through fear.

When you are feeling scared, move. Go for a walk, do some jumping jacks, send a text and take a moment to discover where that fear is coming from so you can remind yourself that you’ve got this.

And also take action in regards to what it is that you are scared of. Mel Robbins has a 5-second rule. So let’s say you want to go talk to that hot guy or gal, but you normally chicken out. Next time, see the person, feel the fear, count down from 5 and then walk over to them. Start with saying hi.

Or maybe it is writing down one sentence to the book or blog you want to write. Or doing your first workout where other people can see you.

Do things that scare you. 

I have done, and continue to do things that scare me. Examples: get my masters, start my own business, get married, have a child, move to a different place, tell a friend that something hurt me, participated in a pageant, talked about tough subjects in front of my peers in college, stream on twitch, white water rafting, rock climbing, trip on the back of a motorcycle, and on and on I could go.

Every time, I learn something about myself and gain a little more confidence in knowing that I can beat fear.

Meditate.

Pretty much helps with everything. 

Use visualization, guided imagery, and/or hypnosis.

These are powerful tools that will get right in touch with your subconscious and make some quick changes.

I remember when I was taking my hypnotherapy classes and when the instructor informed us that 1 hypnosis session is equivalent to 10 talk therapy sessions… I was blown away and sold at the same time.

Use these tools to decrease the time it takes to see the change in you and your life.

Be gentle, patient, and loving to yourself.

You’ve got this. With practice, you can eventually change your mindset from fear to action and excitement with the snap of your fingers. Create this habit, however, lead with love and patience towards yourself.

 

I believe in you and myself! Let’s do this!

xoxo,

Steph

 

A hypnosis recording for you about releasing the fear that is in the way of achieving your goals.

Sending you love and I know you can achieve your goals!!