I remember sitting in the conference room when the speaker said, “the difficult clients or cases are the ones that help you develop your art” and I smiled.

I knew what he meant in that moment. The challenge that came when a client was not buying anything I said. How they pushed against the system they signed up for. And my art was becoming unleashed. It was growing deep into my thoughts, strategies, and ways of being when with others, especially in their moments of pain.

Throughout the years, I’ve come to understand a deeper knowing. That the art of therapy, or now, my coaching, develops no matter what. With the clients eager to do the work so they can experience the change or the clients that have an excuse for why no solution will work for them.

The art comes. It will flow through the conversations, the thinking between sessions, the meditations dedicated to them. The art will always be a living breathing aspect of this life work I do.

As I read Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, I drank in every page.

Oh, how it spoke to me and gave me permission to have the freedom to be and do, regardless of the outcome. What a deep breath this moved through me.

When I became a mom and decided to work from home, Keoni and I decided when Makaio was two, we’d switch roles. I’d go to work and he’d stay home to be with Makaio. Turns out, that even with no degree, Keoni’s military experience or financial advisor experience would get him much higher-paying jobs than any I could find with my masters in therapy.

I decided to be brave and with all of my experience, degrees, passion, and skills that I’d start my own coaching business.

Not thinking for one moment how hard it would be to get a full caseload of clients and how this would play with my mind and question myself to my core.

Who was I anyway? How good am I really if I can’t get as much traffic as Lewis Howes or any other big-ticket coach out there now without my training or experience? It felt heavy.

Doubt was coming to visit way too often. And that was a new experience (I use to doubt that I was lovable, however, I never doubted my ability to show up for people and have conversations around their pain points) and I strongly dislike doubt. It slows me down. And being productive is one of gold star points.

Keoni still works and I stay home with my little love. And it’s bliss. I keep working on my projects on the side, bringing in a little extra money here and there. Keoni supports it all, even when it costs more than I ever bring in.

And to be honest, I was feeling like the biggest failure ever. And cursing my crappy marketing skills and the fact that I can’t write an article or make a video that goes viral. The pressure would get to me some days. Even though I was the only one putting the pressure on me. That pressure was real, questioning, and accusing.

I guess this is the one way IG was negatively influencing me. I felt like a nobody. Dismissed. Not worthy of attention. Why have all this education and experience if I can’t use it?!

Even though I get DM’s weekly asking for advice and I give my tips happily. I was missing the moments that were there because I was feeling sorry for myself. I forgot that one person is just as worthy as a million.

And then I decided to read this book, Big Magic.

A friend of mine mentioned it a year ago and then several other podcast guests mentioned it as well. I figured it’s time to spend that $11 and order this damn book. Perhaps I wasn’t ready to read it until now.

In just the couple of days it took me to read it, I feel such a deep inner shift. A shift of freedom, of understanding, a calmness withing, a playfulness emerging.

And mostly, that I must have these deep conversations and potential solutions the same way that Liz must need to write. And even though it is beautiful work, the outcome doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what my view count is or how many people I work with through DM’s or how many hire me.

What matters is that I keep creating my form of art. That I keep putting stuff out there, like this post, even if I’m the only one who ever reads it. That is enough. That in itself makes my soul light up. It’s my ego that wants to compete with Jay Shetty or Lewis Hows or Rachel Hollis.

And the fear. I love how Liz talks about fear and that it will always be present with creativity. It’s part of the package, but it never gets to drive.

Thankfully, I put fear in the back seat a while ago.

Liz shares how she wrote daily, because it is part of her, regardless of what happens next. She just promised herself she would write. So that’s what she does. She never said she would be a “good writer” just that she would write. That love would be part of the journey. That she’d always follow her curiosity and suggests you do as well. What do you find interesting?

It took her years and several books before she even quit her day job. She didn’t write to become rich or famous, she wrote because she believes in creative living.

I do these things. Almost all of what she talks about, I do. Except, I was thinking if I was any good at it, I’d be the breadwinner and Keoni would be playing with Makaio, while I was saving the world one conversation or post at a time. I’m sorry I put that kind of pressure or thinking on myself. What a grumpy bunny I put on my creativity and my joy.

A wonderful thing I did do was a few years ago, I let go of the idea that anything I did, needed to be perfect. Forget that. Nothing would ever get done if that was what I was aiming for.

Instead, I create to publish. To uplift. To spread more love, kindness, possible solutions, and good. It doesn’t always come out the same. But that’s the fun part. I get to be creative with the ways that I put that out into the world.

I also love how Liz challenges us by asking if we think the earth or whatever our ‘art’ is doesn’t love us back. Well, hot dang, I do thinking coaching and all the tools I use do love me back. Why would it hang around me so much consuming my thoughts and actions, if it wasn’t also drawn to me?

Thank you, Liz, for helping me understand that my art does love me back and that the outcome doesn’t matter. It’s the process that matters, that fills me up. And that even here, in my relationship with my creativity, playfulness is key.

Another cool part is that you don’t and I don’t need anyone else to give us their blessing to create. And they can judge all day long. That is their freedom. But truly, regardless of how many people read anything I put out there or how many people I coach, the world keeps spinning. And on it goes.

I’m only in charge of producing the work. After that…. it’s out of my control. I can’t pick who reads this, who loves it, who hates it. “The reaction doesn’t belong to you.” I can only write it from my experience, from my perspective, from my heart and soul.

Even the book, Big Magic, others might think I’m way off by how much it impacted me, doesn’t matter, it still changed my life because it changed my mind.

If you haven’t read this book yet, go and get it. Dive in. Free yourself of any pressure and expectations that you think you must put on yourself. Create whatever it is that speaks to you.

It doesn’t have to pay your bills, just let it be a part of your days. Invite it in for tea, after all, your creativity is your friend. Let it be a part of your growth in this earthly experience.

Your creativity or art doesn’t have to change the world, but it can change yours if you take off the pressure and dive into the joy.

*affiliate link for Big Magic