Emotional Injuries Happen To Us All

Sad music in the background. Tears rolling down my face. Embracing the hurt that pulsates through me. Writing about my crushed heart. This always worked to move through the pain and come out with an expanded heart. A lesson learned. Enough love to continue to give. And the desire to dance.

“Picking myself” up again was so easy. It was part of my rhyme. I had always been a “sensitive” soul. Nothing could keep this girl down or put bitterness in my heart.

That was until something did. And it took me a long time to work through that pain. I still struggle with it on some days. To me family is supposed to be your safe spot to fall. The comfort and support that helps lift you back up. Not the one to pull the rug out from you when everything else is falling apart.

But that is how the cookie crumbles. And even though I can see the gifts in my life that came from that betrayal. My heart has yet to beat the same as it did before I had been wrecked.

Becoming a mom also changed something in me.

The love I felt for my son was unimaginable from the first moment and is still true to this day. I thought I had loved deeply and completely before. That love couldn’t even touch the love that appeared in a split second for my son.

Having him also made me braver. I would fight for him in a way I would have never fought for myself. Regardless of who was at the other end. My love for him also made it possible for me to hurt deeper than I had ever hurt before as well. When family hurt me, that was one thing. I could easily stand through that storm. But to be unloving to my child. I couldn’t see past that.

This lead me to deeply hurt her in return. I knew what I was about to say would cut like a knife to the heart. That was my point. I was hurt, my new little family was hurt, now she would hurt too. Though, I am not sure how anything I could say would hurt her heart at the level of what she said and did to me, hurt mine. And an eye for an eye was not something I would usually go for.

I was willing to give it a try. Mostly because I desperately wanted her to admit that what she had done was morally wrong and incredibly hurtful and that she knew what she was doing. It was a choice she made. Then I wanted her to fight to have us back in her life. To say that we mattered. That we mattered more than money or things.

Even though I would never hear that apology…. the words my soul needed to hear.

I decided to start to forgive anyway. But not for her, instead it was for my son, my husband, and myself. So I could be the mom and woman I wanted to be for him and us. Not the person lead by anger. But the one lead by love.

If you read my other posts when I talk about anger, this is where that anger came from and the grudge I tried on. It only hurt me more. Hurt my family more. I had to let it go to survive. To stand up again. Staying in anger kept me down. Forgiveness freed me, started to heal my soul, and allowed me to stand back up. Stronger, wiser, and with a larger capacity to love and release hurt feelings.

And then I was watching Super Soul Sessions….

Oprah introduces Caroline Myss who is going to speak about 7 Myths & 7 Truths About Healing. At about minute 20 she talks about healing the soul. And how important apologizes are. But not the “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Now let’s just move on as if nothing happened.” Because that one never feels right with our soul. It doesn’t do any real healing.

Instead, she gives an example of a very powerful apology. “I knew on a conscious level that what I was going to do would hurt you and I did it anyway.  I ‘sinned’ against you. And I know that what I did changed the direction of your life. I am asking your forgiveness for what I have done to you.”

Holy bananas!! Can we get an amen!?! That type of apology is honest and raw. And healing. It goes straight to the soul. And does what apologizes are designed to do…. mend. Or at least start the mending process. It is free from defending ourself. It is meant for the person receiving.

How amazing is this idea?

What if when we hurt someone, we really owned up to it? The apology we provide is meant to heal… not just to put on a band-aid and sweep it under the rug? We can of course replace the word ‘sinned’ to whatever feels right for us.

Therefore, I know the next time I know I hurt someone or I am confronted with hurting them. I am going to pause. Gather my courage and healing words. Meet them face to face. And let the raw, honest truth pour out and humble myself enough to ask for forgiveness.

Relationships are what makes the world go round. We are designed to connect and love. But we are human. We will injure each other. How lovely would it be, if we helped heal each other as well? There is healing power in our apologies.

I hope you will join me and make our apologizes powerful enough to heal.