About To Attend A Family BBQ Facebook Event

I was stumbling around my closet, trying to find something to wear. We were going to a BBQ that other families would be at. People we had never met before. And I wanted to wear something other than my usual leggings/yoga pants. Something that felt a little more put together as a first impression.

Making friends can be a challenging thing to accomplish. Especially when it comes to other moms. We get in that struggle of comparing ourselves to others and wanting to be accepted and not judged.

And I already live a life that invites in judgement for those looking for their next gossip hour star. After all, I did extended breastfeeding with my son, co-sleep, attachment parenting, baby wearing, live a vegan lifestyle, plan on unschooling… you name it. I am a super hippie that doesn’t use drugs. But I will definitely get lost in my meditation.

And this can weird people out. So I wanted to make a great first impression. Meaning, I wasn’t planning on talking about myself at all, unless someone asked me a direct question. Which face it, in this day and age, rarely happens.

And I get how important it is to be open to meeting other people who don’t share my values. Friends can be made anywhere.

I feel the butterflies in my stomach and am thinking of opening questions.

Reminding myself not to say anything stupid. Hold back my dry humor. Just observe, smile and say hi. We walk into the party and the conversation is buzzing. We place our vegan dishes down on the table as it is potluck style. Silently grateful that other vegans will be present so that we blend in a bit more. Today, I didn’t want to answer any questions about where my protein comes from, but would happily share if anyone asked.

Friendly faces seem to be all around. And I begin to breathe softer and fuller. We settle in. Me listening and smiling. Others chatting. This feels okay.

A friend, well a person I thought was a friend came, but acted as if we hardly knew each other.  I asked her if everything was okay. She said it was, though I could sense that it wasn’t. And intuition isn’t one to lie. This was off setting. But I pushed through and continued to be friendly and chat and be open to connecting with those around me.

Then…. I witnessed how some of these parents talked to their children. I found it heartbreaking. How can they smile and talk to me and then turn to their little one and talk to them with such harshness? Now, I can be all supportive of breastfeeding vs. formula, cloth diapers vs. disposable and on the list goes.

But I cannot surround myself and feel good about it with other parents that talk to their children as if they are annoying little life suckers. I don’t want my son around that and I can’t look at the adults the same. And while they eagerly give me parenting advice, my heart aches for their child. The curse of being unaware of self. And my walls of protection go up.

Though I will support and lift other parents up, I cannot surround myself with those who believe it is okay to talk to their kids in emotionally abusive ways.

I guess what I am trying to say is, it is okay to not support every behavior other parents do. This doesn’t make you a bad person. Yes, we need to be aware of what we are judging and if it is something that is really an area to put energy. Instead of pushing my values on someone else, I choose to not have them in my circle of people I spend time with.

This does not mean that I talk bad about the person who I disagree with. You can disagree with someone and not put negativity on them. And you can also choose to not be friends with everyone who comes into your life. And that is what I do. If your parenting style hurts my heart, I will keep it moving.

Luckily, there are people who we can connect to. I have found other super hippie friends who feel good to be around. I am able to just be me. And though I do support other women on a fundamental level. I am not your fan if you talk to your child as if they are nothing. Let’s be honest here. You also have a “thing” you just can’t look past. Stop beating yourself up about it.

It is important to keep putting yourself out there until you find people you connect with. They are out there. Trust me, if I have met other people who are similar in some of my hippie ways, there is someone for you. Not everything will match up, however, you can find a theme of similar values.

Keep in mind your boundaries and honor your limits. At the same time, be open to talking to others who appear different from you. So many people just appear different, but are really so similar inside. You never know, your new closest friend might just have bright pink hair and not believe in God, yet, you click with them more than anyone else you have ever met.

Image from here