When You Only Feel Loved Wrapped In The Sheets

I am not talking to the women who just love sex and have a high sex drive. This post is for the ladies out there that have discovered the time when they feel most loved or the only time they feel loved and most valued is tied to sex.

The moments when they are locked in passion, their love bank is completely filled, only to quickly diminish once the physical contact has ended.

And the feelings of love are replaced with extreme anxiety of “I am enough” or “will I hear from them again” or “I hope I didn’t do anything to mess it up. Did I come off too desperate?!”

Because in all honesty, they are feeling like they are not enough and they are desperate to feel loved for who they are. Yet, sex is a sure-fire way to feel wanted and enough, even if it only lasts for moments.

This can lead to putting their feelings aside, staying in crappy relationships, using sex as a way to connect with others, and many other behaviors that don’t enhance self-esteem.

I assure you, that you are enough. Truly and deeply. Just as you are, right now, in this moment. You are beautiful and wonderfully unique. You offer those in your life something that others cannot.

Daddy Issues?

I really, really dislike this term. Connecting sex to feeling loved and saying that you have “daddy issues” is missing so much more to what is going on. So let’s let that term go shall we? Sure, not feeling loved growing up by either parent can contribute to this circumstance, but let’s not pretend it is that simple.

Sex is also a moment of being in control, or at least perceived. It is control and completely free in the same moment, if you allow yourself to relax enough to have an orgasm. Control in the sense, that you can predict how someone will respond to you in a sexual manner.

Yet, the lack of control also hits you in the face as soon as the sexual act is done and you have no control of how the other person will continue to be involved in your life. What if they just leave?

If they leave, it reinforces the only time you are valuable or worth loving is when you are engaged in sexual activity.

What To Do To Break This Cycle?

First, take notice if this resonates with you. Acknowledge it. Do you only feel loved when you are engaged in sexual activities?Second, leave the shame out of this. Third, start your self-love journey. Some soul work would be highly beneficial to you.

What does feeling loved mean to you? What is important about feeling lovable? When else have you felt loved in your life and by whom? How do you show yourself that you love you? Think back to when you were a little kid as well as your current age. All of those moments count. How and when would you like to feel loved moving forward?

Pay attention to your thoughts and the things you are saying to yourself. Stop the negative statements. Replace them with something positive or neutral.

Choose to forgive yourself, if you are beating yourself up about any choices you have made. We all want to feel loved. Every single one of us has the need to feel special and loved. Every. Single. One. How we go about that need either builds us or breaks us.

Start to meditate. Allow yourself time in silence. This is great for the soul. Discover what comes up. Sit with it. Move through it. Find someone to assist in moving through what comes up if it feels too big to do it alone.

Figure out some goals of yours and start doing them. Action removes fear.

Teach People To Treat You How You Want To Be Treated

This means stop letting other’s treat you in a way that hurts your heart. If it hurts, listen to that. Let your feelings guide you.

Treat yourself the way others would treat you if they loved you. If need be, pretend you loved yourself, now treat yourself in ways that would reflect that self-love.

Let me repeat. I assure you, that you are enough. You are enough even if you never let someone near your vagina. Truly and deeply. Just as you are, right now, in this moment. You are beautiful and wonderfully unique.  Offering those in your life something that others cannot. Your vagina is nothing without you. Who you are as a person is what makes you lovable. And, you have the lovable goods already. No need to search elsewhere for them.

If you are looking for someone to assist you on this journey, check out my services here or send me an email at Stephanie@livehappylifeskills.com and we can schedule a time to get started.

Much love!