Parenting is one of the most amazing roles to have and one of the most challenging. Especially when you have a kiddo that doesn’t seem to want much to do with you.

There are ways to mend that situation. And it all starts with you. So yay for that! You’re the one who gets to start the change.

Here’s what you can do when you have a teen that is withdrawn from you:

So most parents won’t do this, but if a parent is willing to do this for the long run, it is a game changer. The parent just needs to have patience. 

1. Three to 7 times a week, the parent needs to leave a note for the kid.    The note can be left on a pillow, bathroom mirror, backpack, in the cereal bowl – just somewhere the kid will see it. And then DON’T bring it up. If you expect a hug after the first few notes… you’ll be a sad panda. 

2. Do this even if you’re angry. Your love must never be withheld because you’re annoyed with the process.

3. The notes will include things you love about the kid, like about the kid, memories you have of the kid, anything good you can put on the note. Heck, share a joke or something you think they would find interesting if you’re running out of positive things to say. 

4. Be very aware that the kid will AT FIRST act like they don’t care about receiving the notes. They may even throw them away RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.  Keep writing them anyway. You have to break down the walls that have been built for whatever reason. Plus kids want to know you mean it. 

5. This will take time. Be patient. Eventually, they will save the notes and look forward to them. Or at least like them. A lot. 

6. Do this for as long as you want to create a special connection with your teen. Perhaps this means you’ll do it for years. The minimum is 4 months.

Examples of what you could write in a note:

• I want you to know that I’m blown away by how hard you work on creating music. I can feel your passion in the beats. Keep creating. The world needs your magic. Love you more than you can know, Mom/Dad
• Remember that time we went to the baseball game and it started raining so hard? We stayed anyway and had the best time! That memory is priceless, just like you. Have an awesome day, Mom/Dad
• My world is better because you’re in it. xoxo, Mom/Dad
• When I see you playing with your little brother, my heart smiles. Thank you for that. Love you, Mom/Dad
• I wanted you to know how much it helps me out when you take the trash out. I know it isn’t a fun chore. It is extremely helpful though. So thank you for taking out the trash even when it’s not the most fun thing you could be doing. You’re the best, Mom/Dad

Give hugs daily.

Of course if your kiddo really doesn’t want a hug, respect that. Still offer hugs though. And the worlds “I love you.” Daily.

Spend time doing something with just them.

Quality time for the win.

• This might start off slowly or with resistance. You keep persisting. Start with 10 minutes and then work up to a few hours if the teen won’t agree to something longer at first.

Some ideas:

• brush your teeth together
• sit down and have a meal together at home without any media or tech on to distract you
• have your kiddo write down a list of experiences or memories they want to have. Keep the list and start making them happen one by one.
• wake them up to have a cup of hot chocolate with you as a special treat, just the two of you
• take them out to eat
• go to a show
• perhaps a special weekend away
• a random day just to celebrate or appreciate how awesome they are and fill it with their favorite things (no, this is not their birthday)

PS…. this time is used for bonding, fun and connection, NOT for lecturing.

Get started today! If not now, when? Start shaping your relationship with the positives you want.

Sending so much love and positivity your way, Steph

Remember to share this with a parent who has a kid that seem to want nothing to do with them.

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