Yay for you and doing your research instead of jumping right in. You must really care about your relationship and your partner. Thoughtfulness is so important in strong relationships. *fist bump*

I like to think of sexual lifestyles to be on a spectrum and I appreciate that everyone has a sexual journey and fantasies.

What is for you may not be for another. And that’s okay. The important part is that both parties are in agreement to whatever is about to go down.

I’ve found through working with couples and just talking with friends, that a sexual relationship is not so black and white. Some couples like to experiment and play way more than others. Again, to each their own.

One question that comes up from time to time is what do I think about swingers, threesomes, and open relationships.

This post is dedicated to that topic. Perhaps this will be an ongoing discussion though. So we’ll consider this part one.

About 4 to 5% of heterosexual couples are in an agreed upon nonmonogamy relationship. On average, women even approve slightly more than men do when it comes to others having nonmonogamy relationships, however, even though it is a small percentage, men appear to have slightly more interest in having multiple partner relationships. If you want to read more, check out this article by Psychology Today.

This makes sense because monogamous relationships are the “norm”. That doesn’t mean that is the best fit for you.

If you’re thinking about starting a multiple partner relationship as a couple read on:

First, I’d say a couple would have to be pretty secure and solid in their relationship to take on one of these paths.

If your relationship is already on the rocks, adding a sexual partner into the mix, usually will seal the deal to end your relationship. And if you have a jealousy issue then you’re definitely not ready to venture out or add another partner to the mix.

Second, being committed to your primary love face is key.

Continue to do the awesome stuff that builds a strong foundation for your stellar and happy relationship. Enhance your communication skills and the ability to be honest with each other is going to be really important to the health of your relationship. Any outside relationship needs to be of less importance and significance than your relationship with your core partner.

Some questions to consider:

• What are your reasons for wanting to explore one of these paths?
• Is this going to be the new normal or a one time experience?
  • Is this a single fantasy or a lifestyle you want to create?
• Are there any rules or guidelines you would like to put into place?
  • These would want to be updated from time to time to meet your current couples needs and wants.
• Will you plan it or are you wanting it to be spontaneous?
• How honest are you currently with your partner because honesty is going to be essential to have a successful relationship with multiple people involved.

Threesomes:

A threesome is usually what people select when they want to live a one-time sexual fantasy but aren’t really into making it a lifestyle. Though, to be fair, some couples do like to add in threesomes every now and again.

A common theme seems to be if you want to have a threesome with your lady, planning it around what would make her comfortable is really important. From what I’ve heard and read, the lady usually has the final pick per se of who will be joining them in the bedroom.

It’s super important that your lady feels really involved in the exchange. She won’t want to feel left out at all. Discuss ahead of time what this would look like for her. And during the go time, as aroused as you are, make sure she is fully invited to the party.

Some people would say threesomes are never as good as you hope they’d be. Anna Faris is one of those people.

 

Open Relationship:

An open relationship is when both partners of the core relationship agree that they can have sexual relationships with other people.

There are several ways to have an open relationship. For some couples, it is about having the freedom to have sexual experiences with whoever they want. And some couples develop more meaningful relationships on the side such as girlfriends or boyfriends. And sometimes the couple will have a girlfriend. You will first need to discuss with your partner what are the rules or guidelines you will follow. And then follow them or you will break trust. And breaking trust always sucks.

Some people start a relationship with it open. And this is the norm for them. If one of you is new to this arrangement, it might take time to adjust. Take Aubrey Marcus for example. His wife is gorgeous to the max, inside and out, and they have had an open relationship from the beginning. It was her norm and his first time experiencing an open relationship. It took him a long time to become completely comfortable with the situation. He talks about the intense pain and intense growth and freedom that can come with an open relationship.

“It’s the way to know thy self through hell…. don’t do it for the pleasure or because you get to fuck somebody else because that’s not worth it. It’s only worth it if you do it to get to know yourself and become better on the other side.” ~ Aubrey Marcus

Often times in an open relationship, your partner isn’t involved in the outside relationship. It’s as if you have several different relationships with your spouse being your primary partner. Keep in mind, there isn’t a “one way” to have an open relationship. It’s unique to each couple.

Swingers:

If you are a couple, this sexual lifestyle is very couple focused and free-spirited. If you are single as a swinger, you are likely to find yourself in a threesome.

Swingers are a group of people who don’t mind sharing their partner and at times they are involved with the sexual encounter. This can include swapping partners, watching your partner receive pleasure from another person, or group sex.

Swing Parties or clubs are often where couples or singles will go to find other people to enjoy a sexual experience with. At these parties, a couple will often swap partners for some sexy time.

Some couples love to have multiple partner relations and others can’t understand or think about what they’d gain that would be worth the decreased security, the pain, and trouble in trying to deal with feelings of jealousy. Some people don’t see multiple partners as providing pain. They see it as providing freedom and pleasure while still having a committed relationship. They think of it as a win-win.

You can find groups on Facebook for couples who live these lifestyles so that you can connect with others that share similar sexual interests.

I’ve heard these might be good books. I haven’t read them myself though.  The Ethical Slut or Opening Up

If you are thinking about opening up your relationship in some way, start by talking to your partner about it.

What do you want to read about next? DM me on Instagram @beautifullychanged

Have a phenomenal day!