Recently I was asked, “what do you do when your wife stopped doing things you enjoy in the bedroom?”

Great question, right?! This is more common than you might think. So take comfort in knowing you’re not alone. Kind of a bummer though when things get turned upside down in funky town.

Usually, if something shifted in the bedroom, something shifted somewhere else in your relationship or in life as well.

So take inventory of anything else that has changed recently. Perhaps you’re spending less time together or stress has increased in some way. Think back and notice, has one of you been a little more annoyed or snappy lately?

My go-to tip in almost any situation is, talk to your partner about it.

I know, how unoriginal Steph! Seriously, isn’t there an easier way that doesn’t take another conversation?

Not unless you can read minds. And if you can, dude, market that and make millions. Forget being Hitch, you could be the real Nick Marshall.

For reals, talk to her.

Take a moment and think about what topic you’re most comfortable talking to your lady about. Got it? Great! Now, a new goal for you, if you’re not here already, is to make conversations around sex as comfortable of the topic you just thought of.

Women love to talk to their man about their relationship and we love it, even more, when our man is invested in the relationship back. You show this by going to her and checking in or touching base, whichever way you like better.

You need to ask her what changed.

But first, set the tone. Don’t just jump in when she is engaged in a different task. Let her know you want to talk about something that’s on your mind and you want to know when a good time would be. Then respect that.

Once you’re ready to have the convo, after thanking her for joining you, start with something on the lines of, “I’ve noticed some of the bedroom fun we used to do isn’t happening anymore. I’m wondering if we can talk about what happened to take them out of our sexy time?”

Now, I’m going to encourage you to leave all defenses outside this convo. You have no idea what she’s going to say. It could be anything from, “I’m mad at you” to “I never liked doing it, I just was doing it to make you happy and I don’t want to do that anymore” or “I’m too tired, I just want quickies right now” or “my gag reflex changed since I got pregnant” and on it goes.

So go into this conversation in your most chill and calm state. Having an argument when talking about your sex life will just add damage to an already frustrated area. No need to add salt to the wound. Make sure that you’ve got your self-soothing skills on point before you have talks that matter to you.

Instead go in as her friend. And be ready to listen and really understand what she is telling you. And after you have asked follow up questions in response to her answers, then is the time to ask if there is a solution because you miss said activity. Brainstorm together a temporary solution to experiment with for a period of time.

This is also a great time to talk about anything she’d like to add to the bedroom or things you’ve been thinking of as well. If she really dislikes the activity you miss, is there a replacement? Is there something she enjoys doing that you’d put in your top three? Tell her about that and ask if more of that can be happening instead.

Go at this with the mindset of a team. Your relationship sex life is for both of you. What tweaks can be made so that it’s enjoyable, satisfying, comfortable, and exciting for both of you?

Well, my friend, that’s my two cents.

Sending love and positivity your way, Steph

Do have a question regarding your relationship? DM me on insta @beautifullychanged or email me at stephanie@beautifullychanged.com