caution, this post isn’t PG because I don’t believe in taboo topics, especially when it comes to your body. 

Girl, it’s time to become besties with your clit.

Wait… can we say clit? Yes!! We can say clit, pleasure, vagina, vulva, penis, orgasm, pubes, queefe, masturbation… all the words. We can say them. You can say them. And you can use and love the hairy, non-hairy, semi-harry parts.

Take a moment. This could be a new idea for you. I’ll wait. Deep breath… wait, are you hiding your screen making sure no one can see what you are reading? Girl… I’ve got you. We’ll talk about this together. No judgies, just encouragement from me. Muah!

Okay, ready?

You deserve to enjoy and love sex. To be pleasured. To climax. To melt.

Sex can also be about your enjoyment and your body feeling pleasure as well. You and your partner can be in this together. (Teamwork!! A little dance of excitement.) Somewhere along the lines, this message got a bit confusing for the ladies. And I want to clear it up.

I was watching this Ted talk (I’ll drop it at the bottom of this post) and it blew my mind. The women she interviewed had a theme of finding their genitals as gross or “icky” and they were happy to pleasure men, however, they were okay if they didn’t receive pleasure in return. To those ladies, this post is for you. If you feel shame or uncomfortable around sex, read on sister.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a sexual lifestyle that feels satisfying, pleasurable, and free of any guilt or obligation? To be able to listen to your body? Enjoy your orgasm face and giggle with delight as your body releases any tension from the day and you connect in a unique and intimate way with your person?

I want that for you. To love your body, to find pleasure in touch, to discover what turns you on and off, to voice your response to whatever touch you are receiving without shame or embarrassment. To say yes to a sexual experience when you want to and to say no to a sexual experience when you don’t.

And if you’re religious, God wouldn’t have given you the power of pleasure in your clit if God didn’t want you to have orgasms. God’s on your side. God isn’t the one making it shameful. God gifted you with your body. And God doesn’t make mistakes. So don’t confuse God with humankind.

Hmmm…. “tell me more,” I hear you whisper.

How can you melt (when you’ve melted in pleasure and reached a whole new level of sexual satisfaction)?!

You start the journey of loving your body and giving yourself permission to have pleasure in your sexual experiences.

First, Get to know your body.

Masturbate. It’s okay. No one’s looking and even if they were, it’s okay. You can touch your body. There is no shame in touching your own body, by yourself, or with your partner. Really, truly, it’s okay. You’re still loveable and a good person even if you know your way around your body. Your clit and you need to be on a first name basis.

Take time by yourself and with your partner to explore your body. Find out what pressure, types of touch, and where it is placed that you find pleasurable and what you don’t like. And share this intel with your partner.

Are there certain smells or music that helps you feel relaxed and confident? What about clothing or lighting? Heck, set up your environment to assist in the pleasure train coming your way. Choo Choo!

Are you open to playing with toys by yourself and/or with your partner? Experiment with your pleasure enhancers. Find out what you like and don’t like. You may be surprised how delightful a little buzz buzz can bring to the clit party. I had a friend tell me once that she found a vibrator she loved so much she thought it was going to “vibrate her clit off.” She was always going back for more.

Plus the more you know your body and get comfortable talking about it, the better you will be at coaching your love face at excelling at the go down game. You know, oral sex. 😉 Think win-win. Heck, you could even have fun pregame tongue workouts by eating ice cream out of a pint only using your tongues.

Talk to yourself about how damn sexy you are. 

That’s right. Remind yourself of how scrumptious your body is. If you don’t love your body whatever size you are now, you ain’t going to love your body when it looks different.

Delight in whatever shape your boobs have taken on with each year that has gone by. Your booty is definitely going to make some hands happy.

Enjoy your body. It provides life to you every day. It deserves some pleasure. So stop talking smack about it. It isn’t a fan of the negativity and put-downs. Trust me. Your body much prefers praise.

Release any weird stuff anyone from the past has said about your body. They just don’t understand great art. And you my beautiful soul, are fricking fabulous art. Your body is a masterpiece.

It’s lickable, fuckable, loveable, cuddleable, and all the other good stuff it can be. Trust me, boners are happening somewhere just thinking about you. And I encourage you to love your body enough that you get a girl boner thinking about your own fine self.

Don’t listen to Dr. Laura.

You don’t have to have sexy time with your husband any and every time he wants some sweet loving. That isn’t your wifely duty. If you aren’t in the mood, he can find his way to the shower and enjoy some lube and a hot visual image of you.

Actually, I suggest you get some lube and give your man a sexy picture of you to use just for those occasions. Men are pretty visual and I am sure he’d love this little gesture.

Sex is not designed just for the man’s pleasure. Step out of that one way world and join the world of both parties having pleasure during a little mattress dancing.

Find a friend you can talk to openly about sex. 

I promise you that there is a friend that you have that loves sex. She enjoys talking about sex and wants to talk with you about the sexual side of life.

Your sexuality and sex is not a taboo topic. So don’t feed into that. Grab your girl and discuss. If you aren’t quite there yet, pretend you are joining the ladies on Sex and the City and watch a few episodes. I have your back and so does Carrie.

And I’ve heard that if you do some meditation, it can help with pleasureland. Worth a try?!

Your lady lips aren’t icky and your o-face is invited to the party.

So buckle up and enjoy the ride. You’re about to discover an entirely new world once you decide that pleasure in sex is available for you too.

Cheers to you girl! Life is about to get a little bit more enjoyable.

Sending you so much love and positivity. Share this post with a friend. She deserves to melt as well. 😉

Need to talk about this more? DM on Instagram @beautifullychanged

Muah! Steph

Guys, does size really matter as much as you think it does?