I think my 5-year-old is teaching me more than I am teaching him.

“Painting is my job.” ~ Makaio Parejamaas

When I talk with other mom’s, I know that we are all doing our best to love hard, teach strong values, raise our kids to be compassionate, honest, helpful, smart, and loving beings as they grow. To know their value and treat others well, to be true to themselves, yet somehow follow some of the rules society puts on us, including them.

And when I sit back and watch my son live his life, I am often in awe. He is teaching me things I never knew I would learn as a mother. Things that aren’t in the books that I’ve read or the classes I have taken.

I know about development and milestones and some of the best parenting practices in order to have a healthy and well-adjusted kid. I have a degree in human development even. And I never knew I’d learn so much from such a young human.

And I take it all in.

What I am learning from this tiny yet huge, beautiful soul:

Draw outside of the lines.

Yes. Be as creative as you dare. Use your entire body and the entire page if you must. The mess is part of the fun. Regardless of who is watching, be you.

We were at the doctor’s office for his four-year-old checkup. They always want to make sure the child is following the developmental checklist they have. When it came to writing letters, the doctor was not impressed, but I was.

She has a piece of white paper and draws an “O” on her clipboard and asks Makaio to do the same. He grabs her pen and draws a jellyfish out of the “O”. This is displeasing to the doctor. Any letter she draws he makes into a sea animal.

She was limited by her checklist and seemed unable to see the “developmental” magic in that exchange. She became frustrated that he wouldn’t draw the letters and went to get the “boss” doctor. It was an interesting appointment, to say the least.

I know Makaio knows his letters inside and out. He has known them since before he was two. And he can write them, when and only when he wants to.

I thought it was pretty great how when we saw letters, he saw an opportunity to draw some of his favorite things. That’s pretty creative.

Also, when we are coloring in a coloring book, he will add more to the drawing besides just colors. He adds in other animals or whatever else he thinks it needs to be just right. I never did this. And he always has.

He creates true to himself, no matter who is watching.

Be excited about the morning. 

Now I have always been a morning person, but this little guy takes it to another level.

As soon as he wakes up in the morning he says, “is it morning yet?” And when I say, “yes it is.” He then starts to exclaim, “yay, it’s morning!!!” And then he gets up, turns on the light, and invites Keoni and me to get up and start the day playing or drawing with him.

He loves the morning. He often wakes up laughing as well. It’s one of the most beautiful sounds. Who can wake up grumpy with all that cuteness and joy?!

He inspires me to continue to find the joy, regardless if I feel tired or not, as soon as my eyes open.

The power of a hug. 

I am learning the power of a hug and how much of a difference they can make. They come in handy when he is hurting, scared, angry, or happy. And the love that blasts into me when I get one is pretty remarkable. I’m guessing he feels the same.

Touch has to be his love language at this time, he is always asking for hugs and cuddles.

Hugs weren’t a daily random thing in my house growing up. We gave hugs before bed or as we grew when we left home, but not in the in-between. I wonder how different things would have been or would be now if there had been more hugs. Regardless, I am getting spoiled with hugs now and I wish them for every child and every parent in the world. The random hugs throughout the day are treasures.

 

When things don’t turn out as planned, it’s okay. 

This kid has fantastic EQ. We have been teaching it to him his entire life because I know how important it is. However, when I see it in action, again, I am blown away.

For example, this week he has asked to go swimming twice. So he picks out his swimming trunks, eagerly puts them on, grabs his noodles and encourages me to come with him quickly as we head to the pool. He looks so cute, so excited and carrying his pool toys.

Once we get there, the pool is locked, closed for the day, we can’t get in. Both times my heart hurts. He was so excited. Super sad face.

But he just accepts it as what it is, both times. The pool is closed, so we can’t go. We can go and do something else. We turn around and head back to our apartment. He isn’t sad at all because it is okay.

We make a new plan and stay in our natural state, joy.

That I was right. You can parent differently than you were parented. You can learn new ways. You can break the cycle.

I remember panicking inside a bit when I was in labor. Oh, man, what if I fail at being a mom?! What if the cycle isn’t really broken, it was just on hold?!!! I have to do better. I must do better than what I was taught. The best I can isn’t going to cut it. I won’t let that be my freedom from doing better. From not pushing myself to expand.  

I will do better. The best I can has to level up even more than I ever thought possible. 

And I have.

I was on a love high for the first several months after Makaio was born. And I have learned that I did break the cycle. That I found a new way to parent than I had been shown. That we flow with each other. There is a sense of direction that you can get from kids when you pay attention to what they need. And he shows me and tells me every day. And I listen.

And I can also continue what I loved that I received from my parents. And I can shift the how I thought I would be to the actual reality of what I will be, and embrace that.

The greatest love of my life. 

Before I had Makaio, I didn’t think it was possible to love more than I did Keoni, Maddox, and Machida. I thought that was the height of love. That I had experienced it all.

Nope. Makaio blasted my heart open to another level of love. One I had never known before. It is the most refreshing love. And a teaching kind of love. Teaching me how to enhance my love with the world. And to push myself to always be evolving so that I can keep up with him and continue to be a safe space as he grows into the man he was placed on this earth to be.

Be you.

Makaio never changes for anyone else.

The most often example. He loves his long hair. Many adults struggle with the fact that he has long hair and is a boy. gasp! 

Keoni and I decided that we aren’t going to get worked up about decisions that are not life-threatening. He can decide his hair length as long as he brushes it. Makaio knows this. And if you asked him, he will say he wants long hair. He says, “I have handsome hairs!” He takes care of his hair and it matters to him. We honor this.

I have learned to listen to him and honor his wishes in some decisions. He is his own person. He doesn’t have to match me. Just as I don’t have to be like everyone else. I want him to be confident in himself and speak up for what he wants and needs.

He inspires me to be true to myself, even if it confuses other people.

 

I know I will continue to learn from this little guy. Heck, this post would go on forever if I wrote everything I have learned from him.

That’s the beauty about life, it offers us lessons from anyone and everyone if we are open to seeing them.

I will never know why I was so blessed to be the mom of this little soul. I am eternally grateful for the gift of his life, his warmth in my arms, the smiles we share, and even the tears. My life is better than I ever thought it could be, all because of this gift from God, that he trusted me to love for awhile here on earth.

Thank you for sharing this moment with me.

I am wishing you happiness and sending love your way, Steph

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