I wrote this for those of you who have someone you love struggling with a pill addiction.

The struggle is real and heartbreaking. Perhaps you can relate.

I see you slipping away from me. It’s in the minutes that you are no longer you. The pills you choose are taking you away. Your pretend smile isn’t even the same. The words that come from your mouth are covered in lies. Lies not to hurt me, but to protect my ache of losing you and to protect yourself from losing you too. How is it you can’t see we feel the pain anyway? Maybe you can…. Another second past…. Another sliver of you drained away.

I hear the pain in every phone call that is longer in between. The voice that is sharing a story attempts to be strong and then breaks the moment your mind wonders anywhere but your voice or mine.

Wanting to save you, knowing I can’t. Searching for the one right thing to say or perhaps the one thing I could do to bring you back to me, to us, the world around you. But it’s up to you to be stronger than the desire to escape.

I get the urge to escape. To turn from the pain that continuously rips your heart. I see the pain without even needing to look into your eyes. I feel it in your breath and in the silence.

This wasn’t the life you wanted to live. Just a moments rest from the emotional overload and then the prescription bottle became the answer with every pain.

It’s as if the prescription pad kidnapped you from you and me. And you are trapped in a box that has no walls. And we are all desperately waiting for you….. to just walk through… come out to see the sunshine that is there after the rain…. And to know that you can stand in the rain…. Even with the pain…

You are designed to handle pain… if only you could trust your strength…. The pain isn’t what takes you from me… or from you….. the pain is living….. the pain is part of loving and giving….. the pain is okay to bare

And I get how they tricked you… into thinking it was okay…. They aren’t real drugs I’ve heard you say… they are meant to help you handle the emotions that feel too big… relax you… calm you….

I know they helped you at first… to live a little easier…. To make it through the day feeling a little happier… until they didn’t…. and you added one more pill each time the last dose wasn’t working… until an entire bottle became your answer to moments that were uncomfortable…

A pattern developed behind your back…. Until you realized one day… that you are no longer you….. the pills stole you from you too… and you cried and begged for your life back…. You began to fight… and you fought as hard as you could… and then more confusion about love and support visited you…..

And those damn pills that are so familiar and so comforting… they gently called to you…. and you resisted… then answered

Yoyo relationships are not good for anyone… especially for a such a young soul and a bottle of disaster…. So much potential slips away with each bottle that is swallowed….

I sit and struggle with offers of love and feel the sting with each one batted away… and I know that at some point I contributed to the pain that you are hiding from… even if I don’t know how….

I know your pain is real… I see it… I feel it…. The blood that runs through me is also the blood that runs through you…. and I know you are stronger than those temporary escapes give you credit for…. I wish that someday you will join me outside of the box with no walls… to see your pain and feel your pain and concur your pain…. as I know you can.

Only you can.

Not only do I have a lot of addiction in my family, I had the honor of working as a substance abuse counselor for over 4 years. It was inspiring to see people overcome their addiction and the emotional injuries that lead them and kept them on that path. Some of the strongest people I have met. Who taught me so much about life, starting over, and forgiveness. Strength is there even in the darkest moments.

The national drug helpline may be a great resource to remember.

Sending so much love your way, Steph