In grad school, I remember one of my professors talking about how mothers are the gatekeepers to the kids. And how important it is to let the father be really involved in the child’s life. To also step back and let the father parent in ways that feel natural to him.
That the father holds a critical position in the life of the child. It is so important to treat him in a way so that the father knows how important he is. His role is not just to provide, but to nurture, play, and teach as well. Dads provide a different element to a relationship than moms… allow them the space to do this.
His way is not wrong just because it is different from the moms. Our word choice is important as well when it comes to how we treat the father to our children. Dad’s don’t “babysit,” they spend time with their child.
IT WAS TIME TO PUT THIS TO PRACTICE
This Saturday morning was one for the record books in how amazing it was. I decided to take another pregnancy test, as I had been doing monthly for a while. This time it was positive! Several other tests confirmed the results. Talk about being beyond pumped.
When I told my husband this amazing news, he was also on cloud nine. From that moment on the deepness that forged in our team unit was incredible.
Instead of putting pressure on him to be everything I thought he “should” do as a father-to-be, I gave space for that to unfold in him naturally. And it did. He was involved every step of the way. Better than I could have imagined.
After we brought our son home, my husband accepted the role, among many, of the diaper changer. A few months early I had showed him how to change a diaper when we were babysitting. Then, I stepped back and didn’t say a word on how to do it or how I would do it. If he asked for help with something, I offered, otherwise, I kept quite. And he learned fast. Eventually, he changed diapers better than I ever did.
My husband provides experiences that I would never see or ever think of providing. He expands the joy and lessons my child experiences because of who he is as a parent and man in the world.
And this has been the theme of our parenting. We have sat down and decided our values, what our parenting and life mission is, what parenting styles we want to implement, how we plan to set our son up for success and then we let each other do our thing. We check in often and discuss situations that challenged us and how we can do better in the future.
The bottom line is we are a team and trust each other to parent our son with the values and parenting style we have agreed upon.
The Father Loves His Child and Wants The Best For Them
Both parents are contributing to their child’s life in different ways. Ways that allow the child to flourish and experience the world and differences in relationships.
I encourage you to trust the man you decided to take this journey with. He has this. It may be different from the way you do this. Different doesn’t mean bad. There are a ton of ways to do something. Don’t demean him by making him less than a parent. His opinions are just as valid. Instead, invite him to rise to the challenge of being the dad his child needs and the father he wants to be. As he is a parent to your child and the love is real.